These Few Days

These few days, I couldn't access to the Internet. This was what that kept me frustrating, a bit emo and scratching my head wondering what's the idea of poor line connection. ==. I admitted that I missed someone. No more lkc now. Lkc was just like fog..soon evaporated by the warmth of the glowing sun. I think it's not the warmth of the sun anymore, but a glazing hot sun. I don't know whether I'm pushing/ forcing him too much or what. Now everything was like broken pieces of glass dropping from mid air. There are no words left to say, really nothing to say about this debris left on the cold floor. He said we are still friends, this keep me a slight hope, not on our progress of being together, but just to maintain this wounded friendship. Never mind, I told myself. There'll be someone waiting faithfully, who are willing to lend his ears, his patience and attention to me, but the thing that I can do know is just to wait. I had heard so many times of wait, wait, wait, wait , wait, ponder, ponder, wait , wait and WAIT! I had got enough of it, do I really have that chance to get in love, I'm asking God, Is there any hope in me? I'm just afraid that I'll be listening to a 'no'. By the way, not thinking the same matter will make me feel better,I believe, just hope so it would mend wherever it hurts on my body. I missed other guys too, as a friend somehow, whether they are my friends or going-to-be-bf, argh...does it matter by the way? No one really does bother about it, just leave it saying that ''it's complicated''. I missed this Alvin/ Kelvin( I preferred Alvin) Ng Xiang Tze, whom I got to know him by 16th November. Hmm.. I'm planning to steer all these ''tender'' out of my heart house. Leave it blank and absorb as much knowledge as possible. Currently the word L.O.V.E really has not much facts that are yielding to me. For God sake, it's like something that drag you from the current world, and being locked into a dark room where you just see blinking stars until you found yourself are saliva-dripping of a sick dream. I want to get out of this sickenning trap, I tried and tried and I know there'll never be a way out. Our lives are surrounded of love, even our existance is because of love, I were left speechless of the fact. But we must face it, accept it somehow. I can just say I had much experiences of being neglected, being rejected and I don't know the reason why. Maybe I'm not that pretty enough, not that slim enough, not up to the standard in their eyes and mind. What-so-ever. I'm sick of it. Very sick. Craving to get out of it. Like one of my net friend just said, be yourself, be natalie ~ X)